quizzie: confessions

[lillaurel]

Okay. Have fun gang. i'm really bored.

Anonymous Confession Booth.

Sexual, Spiritual, whatever.
Thoughts about me, or anyone else, good bad or ugly.
Crush object confessions.
IP logging will be disabled.
Open anytime.

You can just babble, you can say what you like.
Vent on anything you want.
This is empty space where you can't get in trouble, regardless of what you say.
So enjoy.

Comments

Not so anonymous.

[lordsoth.livejournal.com]

Sexual, Spiritual, whatever.
Thoughts about me good bad or ugly.
Crush object confessions.
IP logging will be disabled.
Open right now.


I think you're damn sexy.
You have a good head on your shoulders.
Um. See the 1st line.

Re: Not so anonymous.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

aww shucks *blush* but you cheated!

[(Anonymous)]

I thought we had a chance, but ah well, that's in the past now. I still think you're cute though. Now I just think it'd be cool if we became better friends. D can cast a somewhat large social shadow, if you know what I mean.

-Anonymous, though I'm sure you know who

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

*confused look* ummm, friends are good. dunno what in the world you're talkin' about, but i like friends.

[daedaleandeus.livejournal.com]

I dont really go for anonymous, although I appreciate the chance.
Wow, well, I feel very conflicted in a number of ways. Mostly, I feel that your a very good person, although sometimes you let fear get in the way. Recent conversations have reminded me why I loved you, and why I'll probably always be your friend to a degree. My biggest fear regarding you is the fear of allowing my social shadow, as someone else put it, hurt your life in some way. This is mitigated by my desire to be your friend.
Oh, and I like your boobies. 8-)

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

keep the "social shadow" in check and things will be alright.
yay boobs.

[saintnobody.livejournal.com]

i'm afraid of getting hurt. i always was to a degree though. even if i managed to find a single girl i was interested in, i don't know if i'd be able to do anything about it. i mean i've asked one girl out in the last 3 years.

i lack confidence in myself socially, so i fall back onto confidence in my abilities as a computer scientist. sometimes i wonder if that confidence is overinflated, though, although people tell me it's deserved.

i am addicted to caffeine, sugar, and the internet. i buy coffee that's $10/lb. and a disturbing amount of mountaind dew. then i surf the web for half the day.

i'm afraid that i'm losing touch with all my friends from college in almost the same way i lost touch with all my friends from high school.

i'm not afraid of dying. i'm afraid of dying alone.

i was always quite attracted to you, but i respected both you and d too much to do anything about that. being on the other end of that situation sucks.

i live alone mostly out of a pathological distrust of my fellow man.

i haven't been sleeping well.

i still have boxes i haven't unpacked from moving in over a month ago.

i resent the gender roles that society has imposed upon me. i don't always want to be the one that acts first and is in control. i can be a leader, but sometimes i need not to be.

i keep only the most tenuous grip on reality most of the time. sometimes i think i lose it.

at the times that i need it most, i always feel like i have nobody to talk to.

skimming back through it, i feel that the majority of what i've written here is self-pitying bullshit, and i feel like a drama queen/attention whore for writing it. but i think that not posting it, and internalizing all of it would be even worse.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

you also suck at the anonymity thing, but i think you're awesome nonetheless. Take care of yourself hun, please? an being a drama queen/attention whore is fine sometimes. You gonna come 'round Worcester come September?

Well...

[(Anonymous)]

I think that you are a really cool and interesting person, with a lot of potential both for personal relationships and social success as well as success in whatever kind of career you choose to follow (so long as you continue to work on how to present yourself and your ideas to others effectively--as I know you are!).
Perhaps you often don't give yourself enough credit for how cool you are--at least not overtly to others.

You are quite attractive in a number of ways, including the way you talk and what you talk about, the enthusiasm you have towards a lot of things, your general niceness, your very nice (by my guaging) figure, your awsome smile, your interesting hobbies and especially your respect for creative projects, your cool artwork...and some others that I'm sure will come to mind after I finish writing this.
Oh, and you're just generally very cute and fun when you're being playful!

Oh, and I know that you'll make a really good friend as we get to know each other more.

Re: Well...

[(Anonymous)]

(to add to the above...can't edit with annonimity, I guess)
And by the way: for the record you are *definitely* one of the coolest girls at WPI I've ever known! And I'm proud of you for sticking with it through even the toughest workloads and times of stress. You go girl!

[(Anonymous)]

I think that you are a very attractive woman. Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like I could get lost. I have thought about you for several months, and at one point, seriously considering asking you out on a date.
I think you are intelligent, have a great sense of humor, are very charming. I do think that you don't give yourself enough credit. Sexual? Well that comes with the territory I guess. Will I ever come forward with how I feel? Probabaly not, it's better that I remain in the shadows and admire from far.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

thanks, you're really kind. good luck with whatever choice, but remember, things can be surprising.

Criticism....

[(Anonymous)]

Stop caring so much what other people think.
Loosen up.
Get laid more.
Trim your nails (hands and feet)

Re: Criticism....

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

i'm always workin' on the first three, but i like long fingernails! i can paint them!

My turn for confession

[(Anonymous)]

Ever meet someone who seems very different from you, but in whose eyes you see something wordless and moving that you recognize on a deep level? You may never find out what it is: strength of character; kindness of heart; perhaps even a deep, well-hidden vulnerability that resonates with your own. You may never even know for sure that you weren't imagining it in the first place. Still, it's a first impression that sticks with you, and it's what happened to me when I first took the time to look into your eyes. I've had unfortunately little opportunity to do so since then, and those (mostly unimportant) differences I mentioned between us probably mean I won't get much chance in the future either -- we have almost entirely disjoint groups of friends, I think, and we've been in all of a single class together. Even so, you seem to me to be a very rare sort of person: someone who is deeply affected by the things that go on around her, and sees much of the beauty in the world, but manages not to become either jaded or cheerfully out of touch with reality. That in itself would make me want to get to know you better, the rest notwithstanding.
I agree with a previous anonymous poster about the unfortunate assumptions about WPI guys saying things like this. I'll say explicitly what he implied: that's not my intent, or my desire. I'd like to be friends sometime, but that's all I'm after. Let this, and the other posts, just indicate to you what sort of impression you make to people around you. And if you happen to notice someone waving to you randomly, well, at least once in the next few months it'll probably be me.

Re: My turn for confession

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

but manages not to become either jaded or cheerfully out of touch with reality

you just hit my life's goal. pretty cool. thanks. if you do see me around, you could be social, i really won't be offended. and i do like friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Guys seem to flock towards you for moral support and I don't know a single one that wouldn't go for you if you showed some serious interest in them. Likewise, you're friends with nearly everyone. Your coolness factor makes it hard to disagree with you or for you to be on my shit list. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on your shit list, but somehow I don't think shitlists really matter to you. You're the type of girl I would worry about competitionwise if you ever at all showed interest in a guy I liked, but at the same time I would feel bad doing anything bad to you or getting in the way of your dreams. I wish you all the best in your life and I hope you know what you want out of it because you're going to go far.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

wow. thank you very kindly. i doubt you're on my shit list. its very very very short.

confession is good for the soul...

[rick90yj.livejournal.com]

Not so much a confession as a request to be kept in the open in your journal. I'd love to be at level 5: kink filter 2...it's a learning experience for us all. And, you're right...there are some things I just don't WANT to know.

Re: confession is good for the soul...

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

sure thing, i'll add ya now.

email address

[rick90yj.livejournal.com]

What's your email address, so I can send you a picture of the mutt? I'm trying to cultivate vanilla friendships where there is leather life, too. I'm on b.com as Masterick_2000 and here on LJ I am rick90yj
which is my Jeeping personna. It's probably closer to the real me than the BDSM side, thus the idea of vanilla friendships in the BDSM world. I sometimes flip from one to the other in the middle of a conversation. Last night in the middle of a conversation with a lady online we went from lifting a Chevy Suburban to install taller tires to SSC bondage, in about five minutes.

Re: email address

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

sorry for bein' a slacker, i totally forgot to reply. my e-mail is laurelr@wpi.edu, at least, thats the easiest way to get to me. with a bunch of my friends i had established nice 'normal' vanilla friendships, and then found out they were kinky, so it makes for interesting conversations too. its definetly weird to follow some of the topics.

[graymalkan.livejournal.com]

I still believe in magic, people and Ilike making little girls cry and then playing the hero....

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

if there wasn't some magic i suspect the world would be much more boring.

hey

[cloud2sunshine.livejournal.com]

I'm jsut checking in, cuz even though we are both busy, i still wanna see you. Do i have cooties or something? Do i smell? Have i been whacked over the head with the ugly stick? you get my point, sorry, i just thought we could hang out sometime, and i just feel alittle neglected. I know im not like alot of your other friends, but you also know that it doesnt bother me. Ive always tried to have an open mind when it comes to people and their interests. Well, i just feel like im being ignored or overlooked by you.I wanna be able to chat with you about silly things, crazy things, and jsut general life again. We may not be uber close like we were once long ago in a far away land, but what we had in our second life seems to be dissapearing again. i know you said i cant get in trouble, but you know me, i feel guilty for all this...ok, laterz

Re: hey

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

i thought i wrote you this big long response, and its gone now. here is the scoop:

i come home, exercise, eat and pass out. i am avoiding everyone. Rachel has asked me specifically to hang out and i come up with reasons against it. Other people too. i just assume you're with Chris or your other friends on weekends, i don't know why. i'm not mad or sad or anything, i'm not ignoring you, i just... i feel like i can't ask people to hang out, i don't know what to do around here and don't have much money. i'm scared to hear the "i'm busy" line, and even when i'm asked, i'm so scared to go out i'll make up any excuse. i do have to go to yoga now, but you're my friend, honest.

the part about you not being like my other friends? that how i feel about you too... not being in AGD or musical or a hundred other things...

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a 35 year old man who's obsessed with young girls. It's a Lolita fetish, BDSM, and ageplay all wrapped up into one big Kink. When I was 29 I met a 16 year old on the internet and courted her for a year, then moved her to live with me. that has faded, and I would do the same again.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

thanks for sharing.

[(Anonymous)]

I wander around the internet and find random journals to comment in, but sometimes I wonder if that's creepy. I hate it that the only kinky people I know live far away, and I hate it that I'm too scared to go to the local munch. I don't want to live my life online. I'm sick of living in the country and feeling like a freak, but I have to stay where I am until I get my degree. I worry that I won't be able to get the job I want with just a bachelor's and I'll always be too poor to afford a car or a singletail or any of the other petty material possessions I covet. And...

but that's probably enough, I think.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

actually, i really enjoy when random people post here. i'm not sure why. i can understand the frustration about being isolated, i still have to travel a bit to meet people. not knowing your field or anything, i can't say much, but i do wish you the best. i hope things go well, and i don't think you're creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

I can only presume that you found my journal through someone on your own friends list and felt intrigued enough to add me on, which I appreciate, and it will be interesting to get to know someone else from this side of the country.

Only just starting to wind my way through your journal, and so far from what I'm seeing, its a good read, and you're a good person. Will be reading more in the coming days and if there's anything to say, rest assured I'll say it, though I tend to dither about things before I just post, since I'm not much for a flame war with people that I've only known for a short time (not much for flame wars period btw, I find them to be a waste of time and feelings).

Either way it turns out, its nice to be able to read a new person....thanks for finding me.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

hello!

thats exactly how i found you, i'm sure you understand sometimes you follow a link here and then read something and follow a link elsewhere and voila, you've found someone interesting and want to add them. I'm glad you've liked what you saw thus far, and thank you for such a compliment.

[(Anonymous)]

not sure exactly what I want to confess or anything like that... but here goes.

things have changed a lot for me over this past summer. people I thought I could trust betrayed me. not that it's a new experience to me, on the contrary, but I thought I had finally found people to trust. for the most part, I did, but the 2 people I trusted most hurt me so badly. and I realized that I should have listened to the people who were telling me that all along.

anyway - we grew apart over the past couple years, partially because of choices I made, and I'm sorry for that. I always respected your lifestyle choices... it's not what I'm into, but you've always been mature about it, and I respect that greatly. at this point, I feel like I'm trying to strengthen the friendships that have proven their worth, and to regain friendships that I'm sorry to have lost. that's my confession, and I'm sticking to it.

I feel like I have a lot more to say... but I can't think of it right now - perhaps later, in a non-anonymous setting.

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

people I thought I could trust betrayed me

i think thats one of those lessons you either learn so well you don't trust again, or keep having to relearn, both ways are hard.

People change and drift and its part of how it all works. so no ill wills or hurt feelings. i'm guessing you know how to get in touch with me. best of luck with whatever choices you make.

[ramsay57.livejournal.com]

It looks like we've got some folks in common - purplepants, tikva, and ecstasy (can't think of the number offhand) and we're both in Woostah.
Would you please add me to your kink filters?
Thanks - ramsay57

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

Ah, those are good folks, and woostah even! Sure thing, you're added! Nice to meet ya!

[eyes-of-abel.livejournal.com]

hey; i just added you, and i didn't know where to tell you what filter to put me on, so i thought...why not tell you here. and THEN i thought, why not tell you about me here, and let you decide for yourself. :)

first off, my name's will. eyes_of_abel.

will's not what i go by irl now, but it will be when i go overseas.

i'm 20. i'm a college student in north carolina studying drama. i'm an actor. and i'm slowly building up to being open about being into bondage and that sort of thing. this came as a result of being in several unfulfilling relationships; all of which failed, not based on this, though they were crippled by it.

i'm OCD, and on meds for it, just got put on them, so a lot of my journal is dealing with that sort of thing too.

i kinda feel lost. i think feeling lost is a sign that i'm growing up. and that feeling lonely is god's way of telling me to get off my ass and do something.

i've failed at getting into a few BFA Acting programs, most recently the one at the university i'm at now. which is why i'm going to get out of this godforsaken country and go study acting in england -- different style, that sort of thing.

so. that's me, i guess.

oh yeah: i'm a switch. i'm a guy. i start out submissive and love rising to the challenge of a dominant person and if i can, putting them in the same position they had me in. i'm a lee/ler if the other person's into it. i like rough sex. i'm straight. and i hate boring people/ppl that waste my time.

everything i'm into is consensual, and i try to be as nice as i can in public.

just so you won't be disappointed if i ever post a pic - i look like a vanilla.

i made this journal to talk about my fetishes - it's becoming a lot more than that, encompassing my whole life. but yeah.

hi :)

[oishi-desu.livejournal.com]

LOL What does a vanilla look like, darling? I'm one of those super kinky bitches with a closet full of floggers, but I look quite at home in the middle of a Baptist church service.

Add me, why doncha? I think I count as not boring. :P

oiishi!

[3ravensringo.livejournal.com]

I'd like to talk to you about playing at Camp this year. Maybe we could start exchanging info, preferences, limits, and things? You interest me.
-3rr

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* Sure. what's your favorite communication thingy? I tend to stay away from the messenger things 'cause people talk to me on them. I'm a little spazzed at the moment 'cause i just got in the house. yeah. anyways, email? that's lillaurel @ gmail . com

[(Anonymous)]

I'm too scared to follow through beyond flirting with girls. I'm afraid I'm won't be good enough and they will laugh at me. My SO is wonderful, but can't, or won't, fulfill one of my favorite fantasies. I want to belong to something, but tend to start friendships with people who are distant, emotionally or physically. I wish I was more rebellious during work and more normal at home.

[(Anonymous)]

I have a crush.

[squeed.livejournal.com]

We should hang out more often. It was fun being your roomie and I feel like out of a lot of poeple I know, you're one the ones who I feel most "on the same level" with as far as just weird little mannerisms and beliefs and things.

random comment: last night I saw a guy hang a weight (25 lb, I think) from fish hooks in his eyes!

[lil-laurel.livejournal.com]

in his EYES!?! Eewwww!!!

We should hang out more. I miss crazy stories. I guess the problem is we are both a little anti-social sometimes no?

[(Anonymous)]

I want him. SO badly. I want to kiss him and caress his body and love him passionately and desperately for hours. And it's never going to happen. Two men love me, I love both of them, and I'll never have one of them. And he loves me enough to remain my friend, knowing this. My heart breaks daily.

[(Anonymous)]

It's happening again.

For years now, I get serious with a guy, only to fall for a close friend (his or mine, usually both). Now, I'm supposed to be moving in with my boyfriend very soon now, and I have a huge crush on his best friend, who's also a good friend of mine, and someone you've known for many years. He's the world's sweetest guy, and I'd love nothing more than to find him a girlfriend who's perfect for him, but if he did, I think I'd go crazy with wanting to be that girl.

The worst thing is, this is exactly how I felt about my current boyfriend before we started dating, except that I was single (and for good reason) at the time. My current boyfriend treats me like gold, so I feel horrible for even thinking about another guy, especially his best friend. The other guy is just so easy to talk to, and we'd spent some time alone together this past week, driving and talking, and the time just flew by, and talking to him was effortless.

I just needed to get this off my chest... I can't tell anyone else about this.

[(Anonymous)]

He feels the same way about me, and has for as long as I have... maybe longer. I'm ecstatic and scared, all at once. Some really hard decisions will have to be made...